The Morning After
by EveByNight
Summary: Talk radio host and girl-about-town Bella is happy with her single lifestyle. Until a mystery caller captures her attention. ExB. AH. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

"Another night, another party Bella. Are we trying to break a record here?" Alice took another sip of her coffee and leaned back in her chair.

"Well _Alice _I seem to recall not so long ago that you were at a lot of these parties with me. And excuse me but why, people," I glanced over at Rose, who was pointing at her watch and spinning a 'hurry up' finger in the air, "is it okay for men to party seven nights a week but when a woman does the same it's an issue? Are we that different? Speak to me Seattle. We'll be taking your calls after this word from Mattresses At Home…"

I flicked the switch to play the ad, "thanks Alice. Again."

"Come on, the listeners love Party Bella," she grinned.

"And the ratings are only costing me my dignity. I think I liked this gig better when we were both in the same single-girl boat."

The ad finished up and Alice swung her mic back to her, "well Bella, it looks like the city has a lot to say about your social life. Let's go to our first caller," she glanced at her screen, "Lance in Haller Lake…"

"Hey Bella, you wanna party with me?"

"This is _exactly_ what I'm saying Lance. Just because a grown woman enjoys a night out every once in a while does that make her fair game for the sleazeballs? A drink or two and you think you - a creepy random stranger - can call up and proposition me? In public no less. Would a man be treated like a piece of meat because he's single and enjoying himself?"

I hit the cancel button on creepy Lance's call, "Let's go to Gina, where you calling from Gina?"

"Hi Bella, I'm calling from Junction,"

"Home of Bar Code, one of my girl's favourite pick up joints!" Alice whooped, earning herself a middle finger from across the desk.

"Go on Gina from Junction."

"The way I see it women are held to a higher standard than men. We're expected to settle down and have kids while men are programmed to sow their wild oats."

"So what you're getting at Gina is that it's all down to our genes? That being born with a penis gives someone the God-given right to party hard but if you're not blessed in the trouser department you've got a genetic obligation to be sensible?"

"I think," Alice chimed in, "what Gina is saying is that your ovaries are gonna shrivel and die if you don't settle the hell down."

"But then how does a woman get her ovaries on the job without sampling what's on offer out there in the big wide world? If we stay home baking cookies those wild oats will have no place to be sown."

We hung up on Gina and moved on to the next callers, as usual most of them had nothing of much interest to say, only wanting to hear more dirt about my love life - or should I say sex life. Same ol' same ol' for The Morning After.

When we started the show Alice, Rose and I had great plans to explore women's issues in a smart way, use our influence to really speak to KSXB's listeners. But, as with anything the three of us got involved in, the show devolved from intelligent debate and news analysis to smutty jokes about each other's private lives. Ratings went through the roof as our standards slipped and the bigwigs loved it. Rose rebranded Women's Talk and we were strictly limited to affairs of the heart and vagina, watercooler TV shows and celebrity gossip. It was actually a lot easier than talking highbrow at 6am and a whole heap more fun. For the most part at least.

But then Alice got a boyfriend and The Morning After turned into The Sound Of Bella's Shame. Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled for Al, but as soon as she and Jasper got serious she turned into a judgemental pain in my ass, especially when we were on air. I wouldn't have minded so much if there wasn't so much damn hyperbole involved. I mean, yeah, I liked getting out there, meeting guys and enjoying myself but thanks to corporate's insistence that we stay 'sexy and relevant' and Alice's fear that Jasper wouldn't understand that the show is 50% act, I was left out there high and dry, carrying the load that we'd previously shared.

"Bells," Rose's perennially bored sounding voice came over the intercom, "please try not to refer to the callers as 'sleazeballs'."

"Even if they are?"

"Even if they are sweetie," she gave us a countdown as the traffic report ended and we welcomed our listeners back, turning the talk to last night's TV.

"Well, if there's one thing I can say for being single Alice it's that, unlike a lot of those boring coupled up types, I wouldn't know who...what was she called?"

"Teresa Giudice."

"Okay. I wouldn't know who Teresa Giudice was if she came up and bit me on the ass."

Alice shook her head at me, "that's because you're too busy getting your ass bitten out there on the streets of Seattle."

I glared at her angrily while she continued to bang on about a bunch of women who seemed to be mostly famous for arguing with each other.

An hour later we wrapped the show and I grabbed my bag from the control room, kissing Rose on the cheek and stalking off down the corridor towards the elevator which, I prayed, would just this once take less than half an hour to arrive. I pressed the button three times because, as everybody knows, the more you hit the button the quicker the elevator comes.

"Bella!" I'd bargained on getting away before her but there was Alice, skipping - literally _skipping _- towards me with a huge grin on her face, I thumped the button again for luck but she reached me before the doors could shudder open, "Jas just called. We're getting lunch and I really think you should come with."

I sighed, knowing exactly what she was up to, "really Alice?" I deadpanned, "why do you _really think _I should come with?"

"Just come. Pleeeeeaaaase?" she wheedled, hustling me into the elevator and attacking me with a hairbrush and lipstick.

"Do you have a tissue please Al?" she rooted around in her pink shoulder bag, handing a Kleenex over. I wiped the disgusting lip gloop off. Alice just rolled her big brown eyes and shrugged.

Half an hour later - just long enough for Al to buy two new dresses and a pair of shoes between the KSXB studios and the restaurant she had hilariously described as 'chichi' - we were sliding into our seats next to Jasper and...some guy.

Jasper stood up, sweeping his long hair out of his face and laying an inappropriately passionate kiss on his girlfriend. They were still in that disgusting honeymoon phase that meant they had to eat each other's faces off instead of using the time-honoured tradition of a 'hello' and dry hump their goodbyes. It was great. No, really, I loved it nearly as much as I enjoyed the audio extravaganzas that were the trademark of Jasper's late night visits to the apartment I shared with the girls. Rose and I had talked seriously about changing the locks while Alice was out following a particularly rough weekend of headboard banging.

"Hey Bella," he drawled, releasing himself from Al's boa constrictor grip just long enough to peck me on the cheek, "this here is Jake, he's with Wolfhowl," he looked at me expectantly, as if I'd know who or what Wolfhowl might be.

"We're touring with Jas and the guys," Jake stood up to shake my hand. Woah, but the guy was tall. I felt as if I was reaching upwards just to meet his huge paw. He had long black hair pulled into a ponytail at the nape of his thick, sinewy neck and every inch of him was pure tan muscle. He was clearly hot as all fuck but, as Alice should have known when she roped Jasper into setting us up - I had that girl's number - he was not in the least my type. I liked my guys kinda geeky and...well, averagely sized. In some departments at least.

"Nice to meet you," I smiled, settling down in my seat and grabbing the menu, "pick what you like Jake, Alice is buying."

He followed my instruction and ordered what seemed to be most of the menu, filling me in on his band between huge mouthfuls of steak, prawns and gulps of beer. I nodded and hmmed as he gave me the lowdown on Wolfhowl's long years playing seedy bars and clubs and how they were on the verge of splitting and taking up boring day jobs until The Confederates - the band Jas played bass guitar for - scooped them up for a support slot.

"It's a great opportunity for us," he said, nodding at Jasper, "just gotta make sure we don't fuck it up."

"I'm sure you won't," I placed my knife and fork parallel on my plate, "your band sounds great."

I was only being polite but Jake didn't pick up on my total lack of interest in him and his drums and enthusiastically invited me to the show they were playing that night at The Showbox.

"I don't know...we have pretty early starts at the station."

"That doesn't normally stop you," Alice smirked, "oh, go on Bells. I'm going, it'll be great fun."

I struggled to think of another excuse so I agreed to tag along with her 'just this once' before making a big deal of yawning and stretching, declaring my great need for a nap and running out of the 'chichi' restaurant just as fast as my legs could carry me.

"Hey, are you that chick from the radio?"

"Sure am," I smiled, readying myself for another fan selfie, "my partner in crime Alice is somewhere around here too…"

The guy's grin got even wider. Ever since they plastered huge billboards with our gurning mugs we'd got a whole lot of attention whenever we left the apartment. It definitely had nothing to do with our six foot high cleavages looming over half the main roads in the city. Or y'know, maybe it did.

Alice appeared at my elbow just then, handing me a plastic cup of warm beer, "who's this Bella?" she asked with a beatific smile.

"Mike," he introduced himself to my boobs, "I'm a huge fan of the show. Listen every morning on my way to work."

I waited for him to ask for a photo or autograph but he looked kind of tongue tied, "er...thanks then." I grabbed Alice's arm and started to lead her away.

"Could I get a photo with you guys?" the Mike guy blurted just as we turned our backs. We merrily squeezed him into a KSXB Morning After sandwich and pulled out our standard selfie pouts. Now his colleagues would believe he's met us and might even buy that one of us had given him a BJ in the loos. It wouldn't be the first time someone had pulled that one. Men were strange.

Jake's band walked on stage just then and broke into their opening number. It wasn't bad, a little bit hardcore for my tastes but I could tell they were good at what they did. Jake's drumming was insanely fast while the lead singer strutted up and down with his guitar looking as though he might bite somebody in between shouted verses.

"Where are these guys from and what the hell do they put in the water there?" every one of them was as huge as Jake and what my mom would call 'strapping'.

"Hot right?" Alice yelled in my ear. I shook my head no and mouthed 'nice try'.

When the set was over Alice led me backstage, flashing a pass to gain entry to a pretty scummy looking dressing room that the two bands shared. Jasper laid another inappropriately intimate kiss on his girlfriend before stalking out of the room followed by the dicks he called bandmates. I wasn't sure how Jas could be such a nice guy when he was surrounded by a trio of complete douches, nor how Alice, tailing them out to her spot at the side of the stage, could bear being around them so often.

"Hey!" Jake drawled, "you totally came."

"Yep, I did totally come," I took him up on the kind invitation of a spot next to him on the grubby sofa, immediately regretting it when he threw an arm across the back of the seat and shuffled closer, breathing beer all over me.

"So, whaddya think?" he was wasted, slurring his words and struggling to focus on me.

"Yeah, you guys were...great."

He introduced me around the room and I fell into an easy conversation with the Wolfhowl boys. They all seemed sweet apart from Sam, the lead singer who kinda believed his own hype and played the mean, moody artist part to the point of parody, swigging Jack Daniels straight from the bottle and snapping at his friends over the dumbest things/

As Jake became even drunker he started to get handsy and I found myself repeatedly removing his meaty hand from my thigh and placing it firmly back on his before it snuck its way back to its desired destination. A few years ago, back when Alice, Rose and I took our careers less seriously and our cooches more so I might have gone with it. Jake seemed a nice guy, he was hot, in a dumb muscle man kind of way, and he was into me which, then, would've been enough for me to welcome his advances. But as we got older and the radio thing took off, sending us from a mid-week middle of the night shift only enjoyed by taxi drivers to our current flagship spot, we realised that we'd have to be more selective in who we flirted with and, even more so, who we took home or risk getting a reputation that might land us in a newspaper that our parents might read. I, for one, didn't fancy Charlie rocking up to stand guard outside our place, pointing his gun at every male who dared to darken our door.

Leaving a message for Alice with my new over-familiar friend I made my excuses and left, going home to our apartment and resisting the urge to tidy away the cereal bowls, discarded dresses and the box of tampons that was, for some reason, spilling its contents over the living room floor. It wasn't that hard to control myself - you might imagine that three girls well into their twenties might have moved beyond living like students but...no.

I cracked open a tub of Ben and Jerrys and settled onto the sofa, toeing a red bra, sadly missing its pantie partners, out of the way.

"Hey," Rose entered stage left, "room for another spoon?"

"I didn't know you were home. Help self."

We snuggled up under a blanket, filling our faces with Karamel Sutra and indulging in our weird obsession with teleshopping. We couldn't get enough of that diamante dazzle.

"So your date with the band guy didn't work out?"

"Uh, you knew about that? Why didn't you warn me Alice was up to something?"

"You left the studio like your ass was on fire. He was a dud huh?"

I shrugged and took another huge spoonful of B&J, "he was...fine."

"Fine or _fine_?" she waggled her eyebrows suggestively to emphasis the secondary 'fine'.

"Just your everyday, run of the mill, not my type fine. I wish Alice would get the hint, _I don't want to be set up_. just because she's got Jas doesn't mean I've got to be loved up too. She's pissing me off."

"Want me to have a word?"

I shook my head and went back to the infomercial for something that sloughed dry skin off your feet. Jesus, it looked absolutely foul, "yuk. Maybe I should get on board with Al's dating service or I could end up an old cat lady spending Saturday nights grating my gnarly old tootsies."

"I won't let it come to that," Rose hugged me into her side, "if we don't find you a guy by thirty I'll lez it up with you."

"Lovely."

"Seriously Bella, there's a guy out there for you. You don't need to order a Ped-Egg just yet."

I sighed, frustrated, "honestly Rose, I don't _want _to find a guy. I'm happy just me and The Gosling."

"I wish you wouldn't name your sex toys," she stuck her tongue out in disgust.

The enthusiastic television presenter started up the hard sell on a weight loss shake system and I called it a night, answering the siren call of my bed before I was talked into losing thirty pounds I didn't need to shift.

I slid open my bedside drawer, grabbing my nightly pill and throwing it back with a gulp of water. The Gosling winked up at me from it's spot between a bottle of cough syrup and some ripped stockings, "don't listen to her," I cooed, "she doesn't know you like I do." _Talking to your vibrator Bella? _I mentally slapped myself round the back of the head, _maybe you do need to find a guy_...

**A/N: *nervously peeks out from behind the door* soooo? I'm fearful about introducing Jake before our beloved copper haired friend. Don't hate me.**

Speaking of Eddy boy, here's an amazing EQ fact, only just realised: I grew up in a wee London suburb called Barnes, which you Pattinson aficionados will have doubtless heard of.  
Sadly I've got three years on the guy so we never played doctors and nurses together. But maybe we fed the ducks at the same time or something.  
See, now you know that you can't stay angry and should probably review, if only to berate me for not spending my childhood seeking out future sex-haired stars.

EQx


	2. Chapter 2

"Here you go darling," I plonked a cup of coffee in front of Alice and smiled sweetly.

"You never get the coffees Bella," she said, narrowing her eyes, "and you definitely never call people 'darling'."

"Okay girls, we're on air in five, four…" Rose finished her countdown silently using her fingers, her index going down into her palm as I pulled my chair up to the mic.

"Good morning Seattle!" Al cried her usual 6am greeting, "welcome to another Morning After with me Alice Brandon and my trusty sidekick Bella Swan."

"It's time to get out of bed, hit the shower and get yourselves ready for another soul destroying day behind a desk."

"Oof," Alice laughed a fake laugh accompanied by a frown, "why so cynical Ms Swan? Another morning getting out of the wrong side of the wrong bed?" I gritted my teeth and glanced over at Rose who shrugged through the soundproof window.

"As it happens listeners I had a wonderful sleep last night, in my _own _bed I hasten to add. We can't all be out til the wee hours gallivanting with rock stars," eyes wide she gave me a throat cutting motion across the desk.

Alice and Jasper had been keeping their relationship on the downlow. Jas was well known enough to make any relationship fodder for the gossip pages and he was keen to keep out of the spotlight. Despite his job, not to mention his life-and-soul-of-the-party choice of girlfriend he was a pretty reclusive kind of guy.

"Coming up later on the show we'll be talking to Rowana Landry of the Seattle Storm women's basketball team about getting more girls into sport. If you have any questions for her you can phone, email or even tweet us," she gave out our contact details, "but before then...actually I don't know what's before then...Bella?"

"Well, today we're talking about something very close to Alice's heart…"

"Shoes?" she chimed in, "Ooh! Channing Tatum's chest?"

"Channing Tatum Alice? Really? No, today we're talking matchmaking. Have your friends tried to hook you up with anybody? Or are you _your _friends' very own dating service?"

" in human form," with no choice but to join in Alice looked slightly panicked, sinking lower in her seat.

"Alice, you know plenty about matchmaking don't you?" I asked with a sly smile, "I say that because my good friend here has been trying to fix me up for the past few months."

"We spoke about your shrivelled ovaries yesterday Bella," she soothed, "they're curling up at the sides as we speak."

I chuckled but ignored her, "so what I'm wondering folks is: matchmaking your buddies, right or wrong? Would you trust a friend to pick a mate? Call in on the usual number to speak to Producer extraordinaire Rose…"

She clicked herself in, "always at your service ladies."

"...and she might just put you on air."

We went to the damn mattress guy with his one hundred miles an hour gambit '_vi-sprung, feather topped, memory foam, whatever your needs Mattresses At Home.'_

"_Bella,_" Alice hissed, earning herself my very best 'I don't know what you mean' look.

We went on with the show, making sly digs at each other - business as usual, it was all part of the act. At least it was normallypart of the act, today I was gunning for her and, with the help of Rose and a good 75% of our callers, texters, tweeters and emailers Alice was getting put in her place. _Victory._

Rose and I had re-planned today's show - we'd usually get an outline together a couple of weeks in advance, slotting in news stories and other time sensitive subjects nearer to air. But that morning Rose had cornered me in the kitchen as we both grabbed our breakfast.

"Did Alice come home last night?" she'd asked. I'd told her that I was pretty sure I heard her stumble in about an hour ago. Rose lowered her voice, "I was thinking about your dilemma."

I took a bite out of my flapjack, "what dilemma?"

"Non-fine Jake and the others." The others included a sound engineer with a pimp limp and a belief he could rap like Eminem (he couldn't) , a roadie with a serious personal hygiene fail and a sweet, charming bartender who had ended the night aggressively, wetly licking my face like an enthusiastic puppy and _not_ in an endearing way. And those were the best of Alice's choices.

She'd pulled her clipboard out of the deep Mary Poppins-esque bag that held everything from a lifetime supply of pens to a hairdryer - it might sound crazy but that hairdryer had saved the three of us from the just-licked-by-a-bartender look on more than one occasion. Praise be Rose's bottomless bag. On the clipboard was the all important schedule for the day and she took out a promotional Mattresses At Home pen to strike through the pre-plans, hurriedly jotting down notes while taking the occasional glance back at Al's still closed door. As it dawned on me exactly what Rose was up to I felt a grin spread across my face.

"This is mean," I smirked.

"Not really," Rose scribbled something else in her curly handwriting, "you want her to leave you alone right?"

"Sure."

"Then let's go," she thumped loudly on Alice's door, "get your ass out of bed Brandon, you've got five minutes."

In the studio I sidestepped another proposition from Lecherous Lance from Haller Lake. Did the guy really think he'd wear me down by repeatedly propositioning me live on air? I made a mental note to ask Rose to stop putting him through - who knew, maybe one day I'd be tempted by his oh-so-delightful come hithers and wind up imprisoned in a creepy basement as Lecherous Lance's sex slave. Before I could conjure up any more scenarios in which Lecherous Lance ate my vital organs with a nice Chianti or made me follow him around on a leash Rose sent through our next, anonymous, caller.

We often had no-name callers, with sex and relationships such a huge part of the show it made sense that some folk didn't want their identities made public. As it happened the anonymous callers were usually our favourite and most entertaining guests, as well as the most popular with listeners, because they had the juiciest tidbits and used us as on-air agony aunts. There had been callers having affairs and callers who suspected their partners were cheating on them, girls wanting to know whether they should ask guys out and guys wanting to know what a kiss in the office elevator meant. We'd even counselled a woman in love with her sister's husband and a guy who didn't know how to come out to his wife. There were probably qualified psychiatrists all over the city who cursed us.

"Good morning," anonymous caller greeted us and his voice, like butter, melted over my skin. I immediately felt warmth in my cheeks and found myself unable to say anything…my reply stupidly caught in my throat.

"Oh Anonymous," Alice, seeing my idiotic impression of a goldfish, stepped in, "are you perchance British?" she spoke in her best Eliza Doolittle accent. Her best being absolutely terrible. More Dick Van Dyke, less Her Majesty.

He chuckled, another womb-clenching sound, "I am indeed."

"I should warn you that Bella has quite the weakness for British men."

She wasn't wrong. I blamed Renee - my mother's contribution to my literary education had been to force feed me Jane Austen adaptations. Jeremy Northam as Mr. Knightley, Greg Wise as Willoughby and the daddy of them all, the true owner of my heart, Mr Darcy himself - they were the be-hatted, horse-taming, lake-swimming men of my dreams.

"Can I just clarify, before my co-host collapses of the vapours, that you are not Colin Firth."

"Absolutely not," he stated, "although Mr Firth and I do share a number of mutual friends."

Alice mouthed an 'OMG' before returning to the conversation, "I believe Mr Friend of Firth that you're anti-matchmaking? Which is a shame as I think I may have the perfect woman for you right here…"

"Alice…" I warned in a low voice and she cleared her throat asking him why he was so determinedly in the anti-matchmaking camp.

"I believe very firmly in letting things happen naturally."

"But setting someone up on a date is a gentle push in the right direction isn't it? I mean," Alice began warming to her subject, "why should starting a relationship with a little help from a good friend with your best interests at heart be any different from setting up a date with someone you just ran into at the store?"

"Have you often dated people you meet at the store?" I'd finally loosened my imaginary corset and found my voice, reminding myself that Anonymous might be more Ralph Fiennes in Harry Potter than Ralph Fiennes in The English Patient. _He's just a voice on the end of a phone you lunatic._

"No," Alice countered, "but that's hardly the point…"

"I think it is," Anonymous Caller to the rescue, "most of my married friends already knew each other before they began a relationship, they went into it with eyes open and no pressure from meddling acquaintances."

"That's an excellent point," I agreed, "nobody likes to feel like they've failed at dating."

I could see Alice getting frustrated across the desk. She always clenched her fists and pursed her lips like a toddler having a tantrum when she didn't get her own way, "have you ever been set up by a friend Anonymous Caller?"

"As it happens I have Alice," he answered darkly, "I have a good friend who takes great pleasure in trying to correct my status as a perennial singleton. In fact I have the dubious honour of meeting another of his finds tonight."

"I take it you're not looking forward to your date?" I felt irrationally jealous of the woman due to spend an evening listening to him speak.

"I've no doubt that the lady in question will be lovely, it'd be unfair to judge her in advance. However I can't say that my friend's previous attempts to set me up haven't been especially successful."

"Could you give us any examples?" I asked.

"A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell Bella," my stomach lurched at the way he said my name, stretching it out into its component syllables. _Just a voice…_

"How about I show you mine and you show me yours? One of my first blind dates was with a guy who took me go-karting - I'm not kidding _go-karting_."

"Good lord," Anonymous Caller chuckled, "if we ever inadvertently find ourselves on a blind date together I can assure you there will be no safety helmets involved."

"Funny you should mention safety…" Alice giggled.

"Yes, listeners this guy was so competitive he took me out during an overtake. I ended up in hospital with three broken ribs. Not that my wonderful date stuck around to find out after he dropped me off at the kerb _outside_ the emergency room."

"Okay, okay, he wasn't my finest choice," Al admitted.

"So go on Anonymous Caller…"

He sighed, "alright then. My friend set me up with a woman who brought her dog to dinner...a teacup something or other I believe. Anyway this dog had to have its own chair at the table, and a steak brought to it on a china plate. Needless to say I did not kiss either of them goodnight."

"Here's hoping that tonight's date is a cat person," I choked out through my giggles.

"Will you call back and let us know how it goes Anonymous?" Alice asked, prompted by Rose who had that 'we've got a big one' look on her face. Rose could spot a ratings winner at a hundred paces.

"That would depend on how well it goes," I could almost hear him smirking.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Seriously Bella, I thought you were going to pass out," Alice, Rose and I were sprawled across the huge corner sofa that dominated our lounge space, sharing a bowl of popcorn and ignoring the movie we'd taken forty five minutes to agree on.

"It wasn't _that _bad."

"It really was," Rose threw a kernel of popcorn in the air and deftly caught it in her mouth, "I thought I was going to have to call Marcus."

"Marcus?"

"He's designated first aider."

Alice pulled a face, "I never want him to resuscitate me. If something happens I'll take my chances waiting for an ambulance."

Marcus was one of the fact checkers for Newstalk - hence his nickname, The Newstalker. Alice wasn't kidding, the guy was truly disgusting and it wouldn't be beyond him to slip you the tongue during mouth-to-mouth, in fact there was a good chance he took the first aid training just to get some action because, seriously, you'd have to be totally comatose not to fight him off. Ugh.

"So what's the deal Bells?" a piece of popcorn, this time launched by Alice, hit me on the cheek.

"What?"

Rose reached for the remote, turning the volume down on Russell Crowe, now there was a man with a bad English accent. "I think she's asking what you're going to do about Mr Rochester?"

"Rochester?" I scoffed, "are you kidding me?"

"He's one of your dark and brooding literary hero types isn't he?" Rose asked and I laughed, imagining a tousle-haired Byronic hero on a cell phone, "so what are you going to do?"

I gave them both my best 'are you mental?' look. What did they expect me to do? Call a random English dude with no name on the strength of his accent? And the fact he was kind of charming? And shared friends with Colin freaking Firth...okay so _that_ was as good a reason as any to hook up with a man without a face. Still, they were clearly crazy and I told them so, tapping Alice on the side of the head in demonstration, "they should lock you both up."

The truth of the matter was that I did kind of feel some connection to the guy, whoever he was, there was something in the way he spoke - and I don't just mean his accent - that I was drawn to. I accused my friends of being mad but maybe it was me that was losing it after all. First I was having conversations with sex toys, now I was fantasising about some dude on the end of the telephone. I hadn't had sex in months...it was probably my ovaries trying to tell me that they needed something to keep them from the threat of shrivelling. _Who cares if he's a serial killer_? my reproductive system cried.

"I have his number," Rose shrugged, "you know, if you did want to call him."

"Rose! I thought you were on my side. I do not want to be set up with anybody. And it doesn't sound like Rochester wants to be either."

She snickered into her beer, "you called him Rochester."

"Shut up!" I grabbed the remote and turned Russell Crowe full blast. I'd take his crappy Robin Hood over these bitches if I had to.

We watched the rest of the movie in uncomfortable silence. I could sense Alice throwing the side of my head concerned looks but I studiously ignored her. Irritating little pixie that she was.

The credits rolled and we each shuffled off to get an early night - hosting the breakfast show wasn't really conducive to late nights so we had a pact to be in bed pre-ten at least three nights a week. Not that any of us kept to it but still, we tried.

I was scrubbing at my teeth in the bathroom that Rose and I shared when she entered, wearing ridiculously sexy nightwear. I mean, who the hell wears lace and silk to bed when there's nobody to see it? Come to think of it who wears lace and silk to bed when there is? She picked up her own toothbrush, a pink Disney princess themed thing that Al and I had given to her as a joke, and gave my reflection a small smile.

I spat and rinsed, "do you think he'll call back tomorrow?"

"Rochester?" she asked through a mouthful of foam, "I thought you weren't interested?"

"Fuck you Rose," I grumbled. Throwing my toothbrush down I stomped to my bedroom and ignored her attempts to apologise through her laughter.

"I hope he _doesn't _call back," I yelled before slamming the door behind me.

**A/N: thanks to all those who have followed and favourited so far...hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm going to try for at least weekly updates but real life is a bit insane right now EQx**


	3. Chapter 3

"Compliments of The Confederates," Jasper yelled over the loud music, sliding a shot glass towards each of us.

I sniffed the clear liquid before throwing it down my neck, grimacing as it burned its way down to my belly, "what the hell is this?"

He shrugged, "no idea, I just asked for what's good." Rose wordlessly pushed her drink at me and I threw that one back too.

We were celebrating the end of The Confederates North West-wide tour with a whole lot of drinks at a dark, slightly dingy club - by this point I couldn't even remember what the place was called. Alice was on the dancefloor with the Wolfhowl boys who took it turns to pick her up and fling her around as if she were a ragdoll much to her shrieking delight. Meanwhile Jasper's bandmates sat moodily in a corner, drinking craft beers, ignoring each other and everybody else. I marvelled again at how such a great guy could find himself surrounded by complete douches.

"You girls aren't dancing?" Jasper asked, sliding into the booth next to Rose.

"I don't dance," I answered, "I'm pretty sure most clubs aren't insured for it."

Rose nodded her head towards the dancefloor where Alice was bouncing up and down on the wide shoulders of Seth, "I think your girlfriend is representing for KSXB just fine."

"How'd the show go today?"

Rose rolled her eyes at him, "same old shit, different day. You really want to talk about work?"

He nodded. Jasper had this rare ability to connect with people, pick up on their likes and dislikes and make them feel at ease talking to him. I figured he could see Rose growing bored and wanted to engage her in a subject that would interest her. And if there was one thing Rose was interested in it was work. She was a workaholic control freak who kept the show, and me, from falling apart on a weekly basis.

"We had a really great reaction to the matchmaking show so we stretched it out into this morning. The listeners seemed to really engage with Bella and Alice," she smirked, "I think a little bit of conflict really brings the show to life, makes the girls more sympathetic."

"Hey, did that dude call back? The blind date guy?"

Garrett leaned over from his dark corner, "man I loved that guy." The Confederates' drummer wasn't exactly the most talkative so I was surprised to see his eyes lit up with excitement.

"I didn't have you down as a morning radio listener," Rose joked, picking up Garrett's beer and taking a long swig, well aware that he was watching her lips curve around the bottle, "no, he never called back. Shame really, I was hoping we could make him a regular."

I sank a little lower in my seat as Rose glanced at me. I was annoyed with myself that Rochester - the stupid ass name had stuck - not getting back to us about his blind date had bothered me. It wasn't like he owed us anything and, more to the point, we didn't even know him. Yet I'd found myself hoping beyond hope that he'd call. There was no way on God's green earth I'd admit it to Rose and Alice but I had been desperate to hear those long vowels again. I'd had that idiotic teenage girl buzz that morning as I bounced out of bed and made my way to the studio, just at the prospect of hearing his voice.

Rose had tried to call him with the number we had registered but had gotten no answer, not even from his messagebank. I could only guess that his date went well and he'd decided to switch allegiances to Team Alice. Plus he was probably still in bed with his date doing the bad thing. _Lucky bitch, I bet that man can talk dirty..._I_ want to hear him talk dirty..._

Jasper and Rose continued their conversation, him nodding enthusiastically in response to her lecture about listener figures and advertising revenue. Meanwhile I turned my attention back to the dancefloor where Alice was now crowd surfing. Of course.

"You look like you need to let your hair down," Jake was suddenly leaning down next to me, using a meaty finger to pull my bottom lip out from between my teeth. I dismissively told him I was fine but the next thing I knew the chunky bastard had me out of my seat heading over to join his little crew who had effectively cleared a space around the centre of the dancefloor as they flicked their sweaty hair along to Ram Jam. Alice linked her arm with mine and then we were jumping up and down on the spot, not even dancing, just...jumping.

Before too long I was sweating just as much as the guys around me, belting out I Want To Know What Love Is at the top of my voice, grabbing air in true stadium rock style as Al leant against my side playing a mean air guitar. All thoughts of Rochester were gone and I was enjoying myself despite the condensation building in my leather pants. Note to self: leather pants and rock clubs - surprisingly incompatible.

_I'm not in love so don't forget it…_

Jake was suddenly pulling me into his chest, crooning along to the DJ's choice of slowie.

_It's just a silly phase I'm going throooouuuggghhhh…_

He grinned down at me and I rolled my eyes, letting him lift me onto the tops of his studded boots and step me round in tiny circles. Resting my head on his chest I had to admit it was kind of nice to be wrapped up in the arms of someone so big and strong and...what's got into you Bella? Pull yourself together woman.

Seeing Alice's satisfied grin as she whirled past us, dancing solo pulled me out of my head and I disengaged myself from the situation, apologising to Jake and making my way through the crowd back to the booth where Jasper's bandmates didn't seem to have moved a muscle, each staring silently in different directions.

"I thought Alice was going to explode for a second there," Rose appeared behind me, rubbing freshly painted lips together and throwing her bag onto the table, "slow dancing with the non-fine guy huh? Change of heart?"

I sighed, "no, he's just not…"

"British?"

"Don't be ridiculous Rosalie," I picked up her bag and hit her shoulder with it, "I was going to say he's not my type."

"He seems nice though. And he's into you," she poked Garrett and ordered him to the bar to fetch more beers, "like, really into you."

I followed her gaze to the dancefloor where Jake was ignoring the thin blonde grinding up on him in favour of staring at me like a massive perv. I wished I could like him in that way, it'd make life a whole lot easier somehow but there just wasn't that spark. I _wanted_ that spark.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The weekend was, as usual, over far too soon and I found myself back in the studio slogging through another Monday morning show. Mostly I adored my job but there were some mornings when it just felt like we were going through the motions. This was undoubtedly one of those shitty going-through-the-motions Mondays.

Things had started badly with Rose in one of her uber-bitch moods not helped by my sloth-like start to the morning - she'd practically had to fold me up and put me in her Mary Poppins bag just to get me to the studio. Then Alice, who had spent the weekend at Jasper's, rolled up with her freshly-fucked glow ten minutes after the show started with no idea who our guests were. And to top things off? Maggie from Corporate - Rose's arch nemesis and the woman with the ability to pull us off the air at a moment's notice was sitting in on the show. _ Fucking fabulous._

"We're going over to Maple Leaf now to speak to Jennifer. Hi Jennifer."

"Hi," the caller giggled nervously. I sat back and let Alice do her job.

"Jennifer, we're talking today about keeping that love alive. You've been married for twenty seven years. How the hell do you do it?"

Jennifer from Maple Leaf gave us a whistlestop tour of her marriage, telling us about her husband Jeff and her kids Tammy and Elliott. On any other morning the twee little love story of Jennifer and Jeff would've been a welcome distraction from thinking up quips and comebacks but this time I was acutely aware of Maggie jotting things down in her notepad of doom, her lips pursed into a tiny cat's ass.

News came and went, we conducted a passable interview with a local food blogger turned author and argued about the weekend's episode of America's Got Talent...who knew Alice felt so strongly about clog dancing? I certainly didn't and neither did Amy in Burien who felt the sharp end of my co-host's tongue when she declared the art of clonking about a stage in wooden shoes 'dumb'.

Just as I was losing the will to live Rose was banging on the window, holding a piece of paper up against the glass with 'ROCHESTER LINE 4' scrawled across it in green pen, underlined several times. I'm not going to lie, my heart raced a little bit...alright, _a lot_...as I pressed the flashing button that would put the call through to us. Alice nodded at me encouragingly, fighting to keep the grin I knew she was dying to break out off of her face.

"Now Alice," I began, "do you remember we spoke last week about those interfering friends who insist on getting all up in your love life?"

"You mean those great friends who don't want you to die alone, your body only discovered when the neighbours become concerned about the flies and the smell of rotting flesh?"

"Yes, the selfish ones that don't even notice your absence before your innards turn to mush" I rolled my eyes at her, "you might recall that we spoke to a caller who was, like me, the victim of a particularly crappy matchmaker…"

"Your anonymous British beloved Bella?" _oof_.

"We may just find out whether he's still available to fill the space of my 'beloved' right now," _what the fuck are you talking about Swan?_ "should we be listening out for wedding bells Anonymous?"

His low chuckle filled the room and I melted a little bit, "I wouldn't say so, no."

"Last time we spoke you told us that 'a gentleman never kisses and tells', have you by any chance changed your mind?" Alice probed.

"There were no kisses to tell of I'm afraid Alice," ha! "but what I can tell you is that I'm still very much anti-blind dates. Perhaps even more so."

"You're going to have to give us more than that. Was your date that awful?" I tried my very best not to sound too gleeful, "let me guess,_ she_ was a _he_? She had a reality TV crew following her? Um…you recognised her from America's Most Wanted?"

"Oh Anonymous," Alice soothed, "was she only using you to get close to your old pal Firth?"

"Damn, don't tell me she stole my cunning plan!"

He patiently waited for us to finish before sighing deeply, "her boyfriend turned up."

"What?!" Alice and I screeched in unison. Through the glass I could see Rose punch the air in anticipation of radio gold.

I leaned into the microphone, lowering my voice, "let me get this straight Anonymous. You were sent on a blind date with a woman who was not only already fully hooked up with another man but who also thought it was appropriate to bring a date to your date?"

"This is all making Bella sound functional," Alice dodged the softening old apple I threw at her and it splatted against the wall with a squelch. _Note to self: stop bringing fruit to work when you know you're only going to eat muffins for breakfast._

"I'm making her sound bad rather unfairly," he sighed, "he was her ex. Until he showed up at the restaurant to woo her back."

"You need to paint us a picture, I need to see in my mind's eye exactly how this went down," Alice said while my weak heart recovered the composure it lost over the use of the word 'woo'. It was a dumb word but it went straight to my Victorian romance conditioned ovaries.

"We were enjoying a pleasant enough drink, looking through the menu, when the pianist starts up," he sounded amused at least, "her mouth falls open and I turn around to see this chap coming for us crooning You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine."

"Original or Buble?" Alice asked, like it mattered.

"Bloody Buble."

"Ooof," she made the universal punch-in-the-gut sound, "you can't compete with Buble."

"You certainly can't. She ran straight into his arms while I sat there looking like an absolute fool."

"Did you get 'The Look' from the other diners?" I knew 'The Look', I'd been given 'The Look'.

"Naturally. And especially when he got down on one knee right there in front of me…"

"Did she say yes?" Alice was kneeling up in her seat, like a toddler at the dinner table, eagerly clutching the microphone in anticipation, "_did she say yes?_"

He barked out a huge, warm laugh, "of course she did."

My heart broke a little bit for him, I knew all too well the feeling of a date gone bad, I mean not _that_ bad but still...I knew it. He gave us some more details about the romantic engagement tale that his date would no doubt be relaying to her future grandkids and offered himself up as a perfect example of why people should never interfere in the love lives of friends, much to my smug satisfaction.

"So no more blind dates?" Alice asked sadly.

"I think I'll be taking this as a sign that I should take a break from dating for a little while," he confirmed.

"As I keep telling Bella, if you don't put yourself out there…"

"The poor guy doesn't even have ovaries to shrivel," I interjected, "best of luck to you Anonymous and thank you so much for sharing your tale of woe. It's good to know there's somebody out there with a friend even more unbearably and inappropriately over-involved in your love life than Alice is in mine."

"Thanks ladies," he finished before Rose cut him off and took us to an ad break.

"Bella," she squealed, racing into the room, "you've got to see the messages we're getting! Half of Seattle wants to see you and Rochester making sweet, sweet love."

"Not literally I'm sure," I deadpanned through the panic.

She gave me a patented Rose eye roll, "of course not literally but it's something to think about…can I set it up?"

"NO!" I yelled before she could back out the door and do it anyway, "don't even fucking think about it Rosalie. And you," I rounded on Alice, "can wipe that fucking grin off your face too."

"But…"

"No Rose, I'm begging you. You can't do this to me."

"He might be The One," Alice whispered, making a heart shape with her thumbs and forefingers, pouting in what she obviously thought was a cute-as-pie manner.

"That face might work on Jasper but it's not working on me Alice Brandon. Now shouldn't we be working?" I nodded to the clock which showed we still had a half hour left to fill.

Once the show was all wrapped up and we were handed over to Boring Bill, our resident news and comment guy, Maggie approached me.

"I really think you should consider Rose's idea. A little drama could do wonders for the ratings."

"Thanks Maggie but I just don't feel it would be appropriate. Besides I'm sure he wouldn't be interested,"_ translation: I couldn't take the rejection._

She sighed and pulled another cats-ass face, "I assume you've heard that listener numbers have tanked since KPUM Breakfast debuted their new format? And with Alice in a relationship some people might say The Morning After has lost it's edge..."

"Rose mentioned it, yeah," was this bitch about to blackmail me? Surely that made her, like, a pimp or whatever.

"Something to think about," she simpered, turning on a spiked heel and tucking her big red folder of doom, probably containing our pre-written letters of termination, under her arm as she sauntered away.

XXXXXXXX

**A/N: So...wow. Thanks to Tarbecca who recced this story over on A Different Forest and gained me what seems like a bazillion new followers and favourites and...actually I'm feeling a little under pressure now. An admission: I made a slight mistake on the story description - I had meant to label the story AH but I typo-ed. Sorry to those who were looking for cannon AU business - I'm afraid you won't find it here. If you've reviewed I will drop you a line but under the circumstances I thought you'd rather get an update :) EQx**


	4. Chapter 4

It was an unseasonably sunny afternoon. Alice had disappeared with Jasper and Rose was locked away in her bedroom working as per usual. There were some days that I felt bad about Rose's workload. She worked twice as hard as Al and I but was paid less and although she loved the job and wouldn't change it for anything I knew that had to smart just a little.

I half heartedly offered her my assistance, which she refused, as I knew she would, before finding the sunniest spot in the living room and laying down in it, basking in the rare heat of the Seattle spring. I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew I was being nudged in the side by a rogue foot.

"What the fuck Rose?" I mumbled, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. The sun had gone down, taking my warm spot with it.

"Oh sorry did I wake you up?" her stockinged toe dug into my flesh again, "I didn't expect to find anybody asleep on the living room carpet because that's not a place where normal people sleep."

I yawned, "I never promised you normal."

"Anyways," she popped the tab on a soda, taking a long sip before she continued, "I just forwarded you an email. Thought you might be interested."

I'd known Rose long enough to recognise when she was playing with me. Whatever the email said was important enough that I'd want to check it asap and my dearest darling friend with her flair for the dramatic wasn't about to give away the little secret that was burning a hole in her pocket. Instead she handed me my iPad, "just in case," before she disappeared back to her bedroom.

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Rosalie L. Hale**

**FWD: Re: KSXB The Morning After**

Think about it. Rx

Begin forwarded message:  
**From: EMasenCullen**  
**To: Rosalie L. Hale**  
**Subject: Re: KSXB The Morning After**

Thanks for getting in touch. While I'm not rejecting the idea out of hand and have very much enjoyed my conversations with Bella I'm not convinced that setting us up on a date is a good idea under the circumstances.

Of course if she feels differently and would like to discuss please don't hesitate to get in touch. You have my number.

Edward Masen-Cullen.

* * *

**From: Rosalie L. Hale**  
**To: EMasenCullen**  
**Subject: KSXB The Morning After**

Dear Edward, thanks for allowing me to have your details. Please be assured that, as discussed, I won't compromise your anonymity.

We've had an incredible reaction to your phone calls and I wonder if you'd be interested in taking on a more regular slot with the show? You would of course be generously recompensed for your time.

I know this sounds very strange but I'm just going to put it out there. What I'd really love to do is set you up with Bella, blind date style, to test the listeners' theories about the two of you - they appear to think you'd be perfect together!

Please let me know your thoughts.

Many thanks again for being a part of the show.

Rosalie L. Hale  
Senior Producer  
The Morning After on KSXB Seattle

* * *

"ROSE!" I hollered, flinging her door open and barging in without invitation. I'd never been so furious. How could my supposed best friend just disregard my feelings? She knew how mad Alice had been making me with her meddling and now this?

She stood up, pushing her desk chair back and raising her palms to me, "just hear me out Bella…"

"There's nothing you can say that will make this okay Rose!"

"I know you're mad right now but go read the email again. He didn't say no."

I sighed and fixed her with the stink eye. I had to admit that I did get a little flush of excitement as I read his message - she was right he wasn't saying no. I mean, he wasn't saying yes either but he wasn't running away screaming.

"Bella," she gingerly took one of my hands, "if you're absolutely against it then I'll call him to apologise and we'll put a line under the whole thing. But I can't do anything until the morning now so will you just think about it until then? Please?"

"Fine," I huffed, turning to leave.

"Would you be so anti-Rochester if the circumstances were different? I mean, if I hadn't suggested it and you weren't so angry at Al?"

I was halfway down the hall before I replied, "I don't think you should call him Rochester now that he has a real name. We're not children."

* * *

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: My Producer Is Crazy**

Edward (if indeed that is your real name),

I wanted to apologise on behalf of Rose, she told me how she totally put you on the spot and tried to double your dating misfortune by forcing you to date me. She's insane and so is Alice. Really, there's very little hope for me at this point.

Anyway, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Not that it was my fault. Sorry anyway.

I hope your next date is completely free of dramatic proposals and teacup-sized animals.

Best wishes,

Bella Swan  
The Morning After on KSXB Seattle

* * *

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Edward Masen-Cullen**  
**Subject: Dating Disasters**

Hello Bella, it's good to hear from you.

Please don't apologise on behalf of anybody, your co-workers' enthusiastic approach to your lovelife is endearing, if not slightly intimidating.

If anything I should be flattered that they consider me worthy of you - I have seen your billboards (if indeed that is your real face). Not, I should add, that I'm judging you on your appearance.

I take it from your email that Ms. Hale's plot has been foiled?

Edward Masen-Cullen (real name last I checked)

* * *

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: Things Aren't Always What They Seem…**

I think you'd be very disappointed to meet me as I can exclusively reveal that although the face on those billboards is 95% mine, the boobs featured are entirely the property of the station's Photoshop guy.

By the way Rose and Alice aren't just my co-workers, they're also my best friends and roommates. If that isn't the kiss of death for any potential relationship I don't know what is.

I hope you don't mind me asking but did your disaster date know you were talking to us about her? Sorry to have to break this to you but I don't think there were many other British guys getting in the way of proposals in Seattle this weekend.

Bella

* * *

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Edward Masen-Cullen**  
**Subject: National Pastime**

In Britain getting in the way of proposals is something of a national pastime so to say your news has unsettled me would be an understatement.

As a matter of fact Kate was well aware of my short career as a radio star and gave me her blessing. I think she felt guilty as well she should, that night was one of the most mortifying of my life. I wouldn't have shared it with close friends, nevermind the public at large if it wasn't for the fact that your Rose was so bloody persuasive. The other dates I spoke of took place back in the UK so I shan't fear retribution from the teacup dog lady.

Speaking of which are you a glutton for punishment? Did nobody ever tell you never to go into business with friends? It's a rule.

Regarding your Photoshop revelation: I am shocked and saddened that anybody would stoop so low. I wonder why you would need larger breasts to tempt listeners in? Can other men detect cleavage over the airwaves?

Edward

* * *

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: Masochism**

It's true, my name is Isabella Swan and I'm a masochist. Any sensible person would've ditched Alice and her dates long ago but in every other way she's such a lovely friend that I find it hard to say no. It's also hard to say no to the human equivalent of a teacup dog with a bone, which is precisely what she is. Rose is just terrifying.

What's stopped you banning your friend from fixing you up by the way? I'm intrigued to know why you'd torture yourself like that.

Whoever ruled that you shouldn't mix friendship and work may have been onto something. Honestly though, 99% of the time working with Alice and Rose is great and this is the first time Rose has got involved in the mess that is my lovelife.

Do you really think the blushing bride should feel guilty? It seems you were just a victim of bad timing. Anyway, the whole thing sounds so cheesy that there's little hope for her, no good comes of Buble-based proposals if you ask me.

Bella

PS: I'll have to check with the technical department how that On-Air Boob Detector is coming along.

* * *

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Edward Masen-Cullen**  
**Subject: Keep Your Enemies Close…**

Bella, please let me know when the OABD is due to come on the market, it will doubtless make a real difference to how I organise my listening schedule. Don't forget.

Now, Emmett. He's my own personal fixer-upper, pain in my arse, colleague and, at a push, friend. We worked together in the London office of my firm and he latched onto me there. I believe he rather fancies us as 'best buddies' however I mostly find him to be a minor annoyance, a bit like a fly buzzing around next to my head. I was tasked with showing him around when he was first posted over to the UK and one double-dating favour turned into two and so on. Now that we've both been sent to set up a Seattle base for the company his skills - both professional and personal - have gone transatlantic. Kate was a friend of his family so it was hard to refuse him that one but I'm putting a line under it. Emmett is on a much shorter leash now.

The funny thing is that he's single himself. I suppose he thinks that I should enjoy dating as much as he does but, truth be told, I'm quite happy being a single workaholic. For a time I thought I might like to be in a relationship but, as I think I mentioned during your show, I don't believe you can force these things. It's very easy to go down the path of believing that you're somehow defective if you're not in a couple but really what's natural about spending time and money eating a meal - a rather intimate act don't you think? - with someone you've never seen or spoken to before in your life.

I think to not be impressed by an all-singing, date-crashing proposal you must be even more cynical than me. Surely romance isn't such a bad thing? And for the record I was only teasing, I don't blame Kate at all for what happened. In fact I hope she and Buble will be very happy together and that no disasters befall them on their wedding day. Truly.

E

* * *

I glanced at the clock. How did it get to be after midnight? I'd spent near enough to four hours composing emails and refreshing my inbox, hadn't eaten dinner and now had around five hours before I had to be up and at the studio.

I resisted all temptation to reply to Edward - it still felt strange to call him that - and powered down my iPad, plugging it in at the mains.

"Are you going to kill me?" Rose appeared, leaning against the bathroom door as I brushed my teeth. She was in her ridiculously tiny pyjamas, hair sticking up all over the place and a pillow crease across one side of her face.

"No. Maybe a bit. Did I wake you?"

"It doesn't matter. Why are you up so late?" she asked.

I dropped my toothbrush into its holder and splashed warm water on my face, talking into the sink, "I had some emails to deal with."

"Alright," she said with a half smile, "see you in the morning Bella."

Despite my best efforts and the knowledge that I had a show to host in the morning, I couldn't sleep for thinking about the mysterious Mr. Masen-Cullen. God, even his name… I knew that I could put this to bed once and for all by telling Rose to call off her grand dating plan. I also knew that I could ask her to put it into action. Hell, I could ask him out myself and finally find out if his face was as appealing as his personality - a personality that was funny and sarcastic and self-deprecating and smart.

I knew what I should do - I should man up. But there were two things stopping me...

One: he could be horribly disappointed by me. I mean, he already knew that I needed digital improvement, but there was also just the Bella-ness of it all. I could be smart and sassy on the radio and in emails but me in real life, sitting in front of someone in a restaurant...that me was a whole lot less appealing. I suspected Edward was used to a more refined type of woman not a woman-child who failed spectacularly at keeping her shirt clean during almost every meal.

Two: I could be disappointed in him. I mean, yeah, he seemed pretty damn awesome and I wasn't so shallow as to care whether he was good looking or not. But I kind of liked the fantasy of him. Also, what if he had a glass eye? Those things freak me the fuck out.

Oh, and then there was three: was I ready to give my friends the satisfaction of being right?

Punching my pillow in frustration I tried again to get comfortable in the hope of drifting off to sleep. The clock was showing 3am so I calculated that this was my last chance to get any sort of useful rest before work.

_3:37am you bastard…_

I padded over to my desk and blindly grabbed for the iPad, powering it up again as I propped myself against the headboard of my bed. Re-reading Edward's last email I felt a warmth spread through me. He was so honest when he spoke about his feelings and he thought so much like me that I felt as though he could have foraged around inside my head. For one thing I had yet to come across anybody else who found the idea of restaurant dates weird. I hated that the first impression someone might get would be of me chewing down on some calamari. Mind you, I wasn't that keen on other types of dates either - there was little point in meeting someone at the movies was there? And as for hooking up at a bar...well, that was a disaster in the making as Alice's second blind date candidate would happily tell you. Still, at least he was gentleman enough to hold back my hair while I puked a bottle and a half of wine up into the gutter.

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: Bad Karma**

It's almost 4am and I can't sleep. I've been too busy worrying about the bad karma awaiting you. You know that it's not good to be wishing someone ill on their wedding day right? How would you feel if Kate and Buble are killed in a freak church collapse or a dove incident? I've heard those things can turn on you if they're kept in those little white baskets for too long.

Shame on you.

Sounds like this Emmett guy is as persistent as Alice. But I guess it's nice to know that someone cares right? Right?

Alice sets me up on stealth dates you know? She just springs guys on me when I'm least expecting it. I guess it's because she knows I'll say no if she asks. I bet Emmett isn't that demented.

Your job sounds pretty intense - setting up a whole new office has got to be quite a responsibility. What do you do? I'm guessing not a dating agency. Perhaps you sell something very British like tea or umbrellas. Or maybe you're involved in some sort of corgi training academy, preparing small dogs for a future as companion to the Queen.

If you're an MI6 agent and can't tell me I'll understand.

I was thinking about it and maybe we should meet. It would certainly make Rose happy…

_Delete…_

Would you like to meet for coffee later this week? We could compare disastrous dating notes…

_Delete…_

Fuck it. Let's date. We'll embarrass ourselves eating spaghetti in tomato sauce then we can have sex live on camera for Rose to put out as a podcast.

_Delete…_

Bella.

_Send._

I awoke to a hammering at my door, I was still sitting up in bed, the iPad in my lap and a little drool hanging out at the side of my mouth. Shooting out of bed like my ass was on fire I dragged on some unattractive granny pants and threw the first dress that came to hand over my head, squirting antiperspirant onto my armpits and hoping for the best.

"Five minutes Rose!" I shouted, hearing her rattling her keys impatiently.

Four minutes later I was hopping into my shoes as Alice held my bag and Rose locked the door behind us.

"Am I calling to tell Rochester that you're not swayed by his charms?"

"Huh?"

Rose shook her head, putting the car in park outside the studio, "earth to Bella...are you still saying no to a date with Rochester?"

"If you are you're more of an idiot than I thought," Alice chipped in, clambering out of the tiny back seat of the coupe.

"I've already dealt with it," I told them, ignoring their surprised looks, "can we all forget about him now please?"

"What do you mean you've dealt with it?" Alice asked.

I sighed, "I've just dealt with it ok? Can we leave it at that?"

Rose pretending to zip and lock her mouth while Alice just rolled her eyes, "fine. Shall we just get it over with and visit the animal shelter to pick you up a cat or three this afternoon."

"Shut up and get in the studio Brandon."

**A/N: Oh my word. Thank you for all your kind words, I'm so pleased that you're enjoying this story. I haven't got around to replying to all your reviews but I will!**

**For anybody who might think the whole idea of falling for someone you've never met is ridiculous here's a thing...years back I had a huuuuuge crush on a guy I had to exchange emails with for work. He was French and I'm a francophile of the highest order. I'm sure he was probably the Hunchback of Notre Dame but in my head he was Romain Duris about to whisk me away on romantic weekends in Paris. I never met him and I'm quite glad because he never would've lived up to my expectations. C'est la vie.**

I hope the formatting has worked here...I'm having problems!

**EQx**


	5. Chapter 5

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Edward Masen-Cullen**  
**Subject: (Not) On Her Majesty's Secret Service**

Bella, your mind is equal parts intriguing and scary. Killer doves and collapsing churches? Poor Kate. Next you'll be suggesting we rig up exploding bouquets or poison the wedding cake. As an international spy I do have the resources to make this happen and assume you'll agree to assist me. Gold body paint is optional but preferred.

I think I'm going to let you believe that I'm a man of mystery because the alternative is so much less glamorous and exciting. Nor do I work with corgis which are, actually, not that small. I should know, I've been bitten by one of the little buggers (not Her Maj's, the mutt in question belonged to a decrepit aunt who has long shuffled off this mortal coil). And before you suggest it neither am I Colin Firth's man servant.

The idea of stealth dates hasn't hit Emmett yet, let's hope it never does. How on earth did you end up in such a mess?

Were you able to sleep eventually? I suppose to present a breakfast show you must have to be an early riser. I hope you weren't worrying about the Great Date Plot - as I haven't heard otherwise I assume you haven't been persuaded to get on board with it.

E 

* * *

"Bella? Bella?"

"Huh?" I snapped my head up to find Alice looking at me with concern.

"You've been staring at that screen for almost half an hour hon. Are you okay?"

"Sure," I flipped the laptop lid down and smiled up at her.

"You ready for the meeting?"

We'd been called in to meet with some management types after Maggie's last visit. There was a station-wide panic about KPUM's new format and The Morning After was the main victim of our rival's new found success.

But while the future of the show should have been at the forefront of my mind all I could think about was Edward.  
as I haven't heard otherwise I assume you haven't been persuaded to get on board with it

What did that mean? Did it mean he wanted to meet me? Or that he wasn't anti meeting me? Or was he making polite conversation? I wasn't an idiot, I knew that him continuing to contact me meant something but that something could just be a friendly something. I mean, the guy was new in town, he probably didn't know many people other than the freaks his douchey colleague was introducing him to…

And he'd said he was going to take a break from dating, that his last disastrous dinner was a sign.

"We'd like you to take the lead on this Bella," Maggie was saying, "is that going to work for you?"

_Shit_

"Sure, that'll be no problem at all," I nodded enthusiastically with a plastic smile and no fucking clue what I'd agreed to. As far as I knew I'd just said I'd kill someone. Perhaps I could get my international man of mystery to help…

_Since when was he 'your' man of mystery Bella?_

Alice grabbed my arm as we left the conference room a short while later, "I can't believe you didn't hand it over to me!" she hissed, pulling the glass door shut behind her.

"What?"

"The singles night. I'd be so good at that, you know I would."

"Oh. Yeah, you're right. You take it Al," it certainly sounded like more of an Alice kind of thing, "if you don't think Maggie will have a problem."

"You know she's only pissed with you because you wouldn't date Rochester?" Rose fell into step with us, "she's looking for a punching bag because of the listener figures."

I frowned, "well she's found a good Bella shaped one."

We were silent as we traveled down to the ground floor by elevator, Alice humming something to herself tunelessly.

"So how did you 'deal with' him?" Rose asked, digging in the Mary Poppins bag for her keys.

"Who?"

"You know who. Edward...whatever his name is."

"Oooh," Alice cooed, "that's a good name. Good and British, like a prince."

Ignoring her I clambered into the backseat of the car, "I emailed him to apologise on behalf of my producer. That's it."

"That's it?" Alice asked, turning around in the front passenger seat to eyeball me, "nothing else?"

"He emailed back, we had a conversation. It's no big deal."

I could tell it was taking all of Alice's self-control to keep her from prying any further and she blessedly changed the subject to the singles night event that I'd inadvertently agreed to. She rattled off grand plans that would've taken me a week to come up with. Between leaving the station and arriving home she'd created a mental shortlist of venues, decided on the entertainment and decided what both she and I were going to wear. I agreed readily with everything she said before retreating to my room to catch up with some sleep.

But of course, of course, once I was under the comforter sleep eluded me again. I wanted to email Edward, somehow over the course of two public phone calls and a handful of emails I'd started to feel strangely close to him. He was easy to speak to and right now that was what I needed. After one too many crappy dates just talking to a guy who wasn't expecting anything from me was refreshing.

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: The Great Date Plot**

I have a confession to make: I have been avoiding all mention of The Great Date Plot (TGDP). It's not that I'm against the date itself. I'm against the plot. I'm very, very against the plot.

Let's face it, you have terrible luck, I have terrible luck. We're a dating disaster waiting to happen and if my friends/employees/the plotters of my downfall have their way, the disaster is going to be public.

So I've told Rose no and she's told her manager no and now her manager hates us all. If you never hear from me again it's because she's sacrificed me to the Gods of Listener Figures or something like that. In fact, as my favourite International Man of Mystery can I ask you to be hyper-vigilant? And maybe avenge my death if it should come to that? At the very least make sure that Colin attends my funeral (my final wish is that he wears full Pride and Prejudice costume).

I thought it was very sweet that you didn't tell Rose to FO by the way.

Bx 

* * *

I desperately clicked at random icons, trying to stop the email in its tracks but the whooshing sound as it disappeared from my screen told me I was too late. I'd sent Edward Masen-Cullen an 'x'.

_Oh like it mattered._ I'd told him that I thought he was a disaster and that I didn't want to date him. Which wasn't strictly true - I was kind of dying of wanting-to-date-him-itis - but there was no way it was ever going to happen. Rose and Alice would ruin it, the show would ruin it. Who was I kidding? Bella Swan would ruin it like the big-ass deadly dating epidemic that she was.

"You're thinking about yourself in the third person Bella. Get a grip," I looked in the mirror and told myself in the third person.

"Stop looking over there, he's not going to reply to you," Mirror Bella scoffed, "that was the email equivalent of 'it's not me, it's you'."

I pulled a tongue at Mirror Bella and she pulled one back before following me back to the bed.

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Edward Masen-Cullen**  
**Subject: Match Made In Hell**

You're right of course, us on a date would be like the Ghostbusters crossing the streams.

I didn't tell Rose to 'FO', as you so politely put it because I quite like the idea of taking you out on a date. But for now I'm happy to exchange emails because, if nothing else, I enjoy speaking to you. Aside from Emmett I don't really know anybody in Seattle so having another human being to talk to is quite pleasant.

Not that I'm putting any pressure on you to continue our correspondence, perhaps you told Rose to 'FO' because you're repulsed by the mere idea of me.

Of course by dumping me you're dumping your one connection to your beloved Mr. Firth. It's something to consider.

I'm concerned by the potential for murder and intrigue at KSXB. Is your manager really likely to kill? That sounds like an extreme reaction to your refusal to be pimped out to a potentially dangerous international spy. The UK and US may have a special relationship but there's nothing to say I won't be turned by the Russians.

Honestly, are you in that much shit at work? I don't like to think I've had a hand in your getting into trouble. If it makes you feel any better this week is shaping up to be a right bugger over here at the Seattle branch of MI6, not least because working so closely with Emmett can be...challenging. He's now on a mission to convert me into a full red-blooded American. So far I've been to a Baseball game - my God, those things go on - and been treated to Ding Dongs, Twinkies and something called a Cinnabon which I believe could be the work of the devil himself. I like a good pastry as much as the next man but there's really no need for anything to be that size or have that much icing.

I dread to think what might be next on his list but needless to say I'm currently craving Bakewell tarts and rugby.

Ex 

* * *

_I quite like the idea of taking you out on a date…_

_I enjoy speaking to you…_

_x…_

I ran over to release a 'squeeee' into my pillow before returning to the job at hand, properly composed.

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: Life Needs Frosting**

I think you'll find that actually crossing the streams was a good thing. It sent Gozer back to its own dimension and destroyed Stay Puft. Don't quote Ghostbusters if you don't know the facts.

As long as you have that connection to Mr. Firth (although you calling him that leads me to suspect you don't know him all that well or are you, despite claims to the contrary, his manservant after all) I suppose I'll have to stay in touch. It's just as well I enjoy speaking to you too.

So you didn't enjoy your Cinnabon experience? Couldn't take the frosting? You puny Englishmen just can't deal with the hard stuff. And as for baseball - the longer a game is the more time there is for hot dogs and beer. Don't deny your love of beer, I happen to know that you British guys love that stuff almost as much as you love tea.

It sounds like Emmett has your best interests at heart, you need to be fully immersed in the culture to enjoy your time here. I'd suggest trying basketball next time. You could get a foam finger and everything.

On the other hand I could arrange for you to spend the weekend with my father, that'd give you the chance to experience life as a real life small town American man.

Are you homesick?

Bx

ps: Bakewell tart? Is that code for something else? 

* * *

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Edward Masen-Cullen**  
**Subject: Foam Fingers**

Would you believe me if I told you I'm already the proud owner of a foam finger? They were all the rage when I was a child thanks to a very silly television programme. That said I forgot to pack it when I moved here so perhaps I ought to get a new one or ask my mother to have it shipped over along with a Bakewell tart (which by the way isn't a euphemism, just an almond and jam pie/cake hybrid from a British town called - believe it or not - Bakewell).

Yes, I suppose I am terribly homesick at times but I'm a grown man and should be able to cope with it. I'm sure once Emmett has me fully aclimatised I'll eat a Cinnabon every morning and never look back. One thing I refuse to accept however is your approximation of beer and I don't think a trip to any sports venue to drink it is going to change my mind.

I'm intrigued to know more about this father of which you speak. I'd assumed you'd dropped down from the heavens straight into a broadcasting studio. Or at least I didn't have you down as a small town girl. Just goes to show that although I feel like I know you I don't know you at all. I don't know how old you are or what your favourite colour is or how you take your coffee.

Ex

Ps: I know very well the rules and regulations of Ghost Busting, in point of fact 'busting makes me feel good. Crossing the streams is fine should you need to deal with a Gozerian but under any other circumstance ought to be avoided. Perhap you'd be well served to reacquaint yourself with the instruction leaflet which came with your Proton Pack. 

* * *

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost…**

...but I am very afraid of the librarian. That bitch still scares the crap out of me.

So that's one new thing you know about me.

Do you really care what my favorite color is or how I take my coffee? Blue and white if you must know. And I'm 26, which is very young to be hosting a breakfast show but too old to still be living with your college friends. Alice, by the way, brought me Chinese food earlier this evening. She's trying to suck up because she wants to auction off a date with me at this KSXB event. She NEVER LEARNS.

If you hadn't noticed I know much less about you than you do about me. I don't even know what your real job is or where you're from. I mean, I know you're from England but where? Liverpool? London? Bakewell, home of Bakewell tarts (I Googled them by the way and they sound far worse than Cinnabons)?

So, my Dad...Charlie is as American as it comes. He's Chief of Police back in Forks, which is the grey town I grew up in, and when he's not driving around in his cruiser warning kids against trying to buy hooch he's sitting in his ass dent on the sofa watching sports and drinking Rainier Beer (I'm sure not as good as your supreme British drinks) or he's out fishing with his buddies. That's what guys do in Forks, you wanna get in on some of that action?

I'm going to bed now, hopefully I won't have nightmares about scary ghosts or disgusting pie-cakes but if I do I hold you responsible.

Bx 

* * *

**To: Bella Swan**  
**From: Edward Masen-Cullen**  
**Subject: Going, Going, Gone…**

Good night or good morning, depending on which side of the nightmares I caught you.

It's interesting to note that Alice thinks that you have value on the open market. What does she think you're worth? I'd be very happy to come and bid on you, if only to release you from your obligation to date a random stranger. I'm serious.

I'm afraid I'm not from Bakewell but from London. North London to be precise, Islington to be even more so. I'm lucky enough to still be able to keep a place there so I have somewhere to go when I escape the clutches of Emmett and his American education. He's talking about taking me to Las Vegas now. Although I'm intrigued to see it it's certainly not at the very top of my list of things to do while I'm on US soil.

Do you really want to know what I do for a job? It's very dull. I'm in banking. There's a lot of shifting people's money about for them, meeting with other boring financial types and, for now at least, picking out of non-offensive plants to make our office seem less sparse.

Are you very disappointed?

Regarding your offer of a visit with your Dad, I'm going to pass for now. Though I'm sure he's great and Forks is lovely (I see it has a fine timber museum, that's now on my list of must-sees) I can't deny that I'm fearful of spending time with a man with a gun and the power to lock me up. I'm also terrible at fishing - it requires a level of patience I just don't have.

You say you met Alice and Rose in college, where did you go and what did you study? Did you enjoy it? How did you end up in radio? Was it a long held dream?

Ex 

* * *

**To: EMasenCullen**  
**From: Bella Swan**  
**Subject: Chimchimney**

It's kind of you to offer to be my knight in shining armor but Alice got a very big no so I won't be doing an impression of a Ming vase any time soon. Anyway, supposing you were up against a rich lustful man? You could be left in real financial trouble. In fact if you're so free and easy with your money I wouldn't recommend Vegas and perhaps you should rethink your career too.

I'm not disappointed to hear you're a banker because I can now imagine you as Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins with a hat and umbrella. It was one of my favorite films when I was a kid.

You don't seem very impressed with your chosen career, don't you enjoy it? It sounds pretty important, apart from the picking out plants bit. I'd offer you some advice but most plants shrivel and die as soon as I look at them.

In answer to your questions, I went to Washington State and majored in English with a special focus on British literature and women writers. I loved every minute of it and meeting Rose and Alice was a large part of it. I never intended to be a radio host but was talked into helping the girls out with a WSU radio show - Rose majored in Journalism and Media and Alice, well Alice is just a professional loud mouth. It kind of blew up from there. I wanted to be a writer but it never really got off the ground. So there you go, from Forks to KSXB: The Life and Times of Bella Swan.

Shut up about our timber museum.

Bx

PS: would you really bid on me? I'm flattered. 

* * *

**A/N: Aw, of course he'd bid on her. Another thank you to those who have reviewed****! EQx**


	6. Chapter 6

"Bella, please. It's just a phone call."

"Why can't you do it? Or just ask your damn boyfriend, they're friends aren't they?"

Alice thumped the button in front of her, "tonight is the night we've all been waiting for folks, The Night Before The Morning After, our very own singles night!"

"That's right," I trilled, "from eight tonight we'll be hosting the best night out Seattle's gonna see this weekend. Hot boys, scorching girls and the chance to spend a night in the company of your favourite morning radio hosts."

"Not forgetting their fabulous producer, sweetheart of the switchboard, Ms Rosalie Hale."

Rose gave her on-air laugh, "I'll be keeping these two under control, sorry boys."

Alice grinned, "we'll see. While I can't promise you'll see Bella's Macarena I can guarantee good music from some of our favourite acts and loads…"

"Tons!"

"_Heaps_ of chances to win fantastic KSXB prizes and maybe pick up a little something extra. So be there, eight pm at The Hideout on Boren Avenue or be...well, laaaaame."

"And in the spirit of the single life we're asking you for your tips for picking up chicks and dating dudes. Do you play it coy or bold and blatant? Perhaps you met your match at a singles event and want to share your story or maybe you've a cautionary tale for our guest list?"

"I like taking the direct approach," Alice stated, pushing a piece of paper towards me 'Jake: 206-200-4974', "I'm straight in with my phone number on a napkin and a 'give me a call'."

I scribbled a quick 'fuck off' on Alice's note and slid it back across the desk, "isn't that just asking for trouble Al? You don't know if the guy's a psycho yet. Next thing you know you've got a stalker calling you a hundred times a day."

"How about swapping email addresses?" she balled up the paper and threw it at my head, narrowly missing her target, "that way you could spend a few weeks getting to know a guy…"

I shot her a warning look and she winked mischievously, continuing in a sweet voice, "...in fact, you could prepare a questionnaire for potential suitors."

"Well, it's a good way to sort the wheat from the chaff," I agreed.

"We've got a call on line two guys," Rose butted in, "our old Anonymous friend."

_Edward_. Why was he calling the station? Was he pissed? Alice didn't mean anything by making a joke out of our email relationship but how was he to know that it was just part of the show...just what we did? I hadn't told him that I'd come clean to Alice and Rose about our 'relationship'. Not that I'd had much choice, those bitches would give Columbo a run for his money. They good cop/bad copped that shit out of me.

"Good morning Anonymous," I could even hear Alice's ten mile wide grin, "long time no speak."

"Morning Alice...Bella," he said and I blushed, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with you once again Alice."

She mock-gasped, "you're taking Bella's side? Go on then…"

"You mention pre-screening potential suitors. I don't think that's a bad thing, in fact isn't that exactly what people using dating sites are doing?"

"You have experience of this I take it?" she got a dirty look for that one.

"I do as it happens. I happen to be very much enjoying a correspondence with a lovely young lady at the moment."

I gulped, "lovely? Really?"

Alice clasped her hands to her heart, "and she's a potential suitor?"

"Well," I'd forgotten how well he held himself in the face of Alice and felt all at once proud of him and afraid of what he might say, "I like to think so but couldn't say she's so sure about me."

"So your advice to our listeners is don't just dive into something," my cheeks flaming I frantically motioned to Rose that we needed to ditch the call.

"Exactly. Take your time but equally know that when it's right, it's right."

I pulled off my headphones and laid them on my desk, pushing my chair out from behind me and heading for the door. Al finished up the call in her usual unflappable style while watching me leave, mouthing '_what the fuck?_'

Outside the studio I wiped the sweat that had appeared on my top lip with a shaking hand.

"Get a grip Swan," I muttered to myself, resting my head against the cool plaster of the wall.

"Bells honey, what the hell happened back there?" Rose had silently appeared next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I don't even fucking know," I sighed, "he makes me crazy."

"If the guy's pissing you off…"

"No, I mean actually crazy. I've lost it Rose, call the men in white coats and have me committed."

She laughed loudly, "you're an idiot. Stop dicking around and admit you like him. You can't be fine writing to him but just freak out whenever you hear his voice."

I stared at her with wide eyes, "Rosalie, imagine what it would be like if I met him."

Ruffling my hair she leant past me and pushed the studio open, "get on with your damn job Swan." 

* * *

_**EMC2:** Are you there?_

_**HellsBells:** Sure am_

_**EMC2:** Are you pissed off with me?_

Edward and I had graduated from emails to chat, spending far too much time talking shit. For two weeks my life had consisted of work/Edward/sleep with the occasional break for sustenance.

_**HellsBells:** Of course not. Just surprised._  
_**HellsBells:** Sorry about Al._

_**EMC2:** Stop apologising for your friends_

_**HellsBells:** Sorry._

_**EMC2:** ARGH!_

_**HellsBells:** Is that what you're doing then?_

_**EMC2:** Is what what I'm doing then?_

_**HellsBells:** Screening potential suitors_

_**EMC2:** Are you?_

_**HellsBells:** I asked first_

_**EMC2:** Only one. I'm screening one potential suitor._

_**HellsBells:** Interesting. How's she shaping up?_  
_**HellsBells:** She is a _she_ right?_

_**EMC2:** Very funny. She's doing okay. Except she apologises too much_  
_**EMC2:** Oh, and she has terrible taste in snacks_  
_**EMC2:** she's terribly argumentative too_  
_**EMC2:** and she's stubborn_

_**HellsBells:** Alright, that'll do!_

_**EMC2:** bossy too._

_**HellsBells:** She sounds awful, you should probably start screening another potential suitor._

_**EMC2:** Probably but I'd like to make sure _she's_ not a he first_

_**HellsBells:** I've double checked and she's not._

_**EMC2:** Then perhaps I should go along to this singles night she's going to be at._

_**HellsBells:** Don't, it's going to be embarrassing enough without mystery callers showing up. Besides you'll be mobbed by desperate singles, you heard them on the show today._

_**EMC2:** I can handle myself_

_**HellsBells:** I'm not sure I can handle you though. Edward, I'm gonna be working, I won't have time to talk or anything. Promise you won't come._

_**EMC2:** I reluctantly promise. Have coffee with me tomorrow?_

A loud hammering at my door startled me out of my thoughts before I could reply. I was about to type 'yes'...or maybe I was about to type 'no'. I hadn't decided.

"BELLA! Have you called him?" Alice bellowed, bursting into the room, wide eyed.

"Who?"

She growled at me, clapping my iPad shut and throwing it to one side, "Jake. We need one more act and he keeps saying no. Please Bells, he'll do it if you ask, I know he will. Pleeeeaaase? I didn't make you do the date auction, please just do me this one little favour!"

With one of Alice's musicians had dropping out at the last minute, Jasper out of town and everyone else already booked she was trying to convince Jake - who, she swore, was an amazing singer-songwriter when he wasn't bashing out heavy rock with his fellow Wolves - to step in. But Jake, surprisingly, was too shy to get up there solo and, according to Alice, I was the only one who could save the day. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but twenty eight ignored phone calls and three declined dates over the course of a couple of weeks really wasn't getting through to him.

"Fine. What's the number? You owe me big fucking time."

She offered me her cell, "he's on hold."

"Jesus Alice," I groaned and took the phone from her, "hi Jake. How are you?" 

* * *

The room heaved with people all clasping their complementary first drink and checking out the talent around them. It reminded me of a high school dance, all the girls in their best cleavage-baring dresses grouping together like piranhas watching their prey - over-gelled boys putting on the bravado.

_Urgh._

Rose tapped me on the shoulder and passed me a mic, "let's get this show on the road."

Throwing back the last of my wine I cleared my throat and began with a loud, "Good Evening Seattle!"

A roar went up as the crowd turned, looking up at me standing on the bar. Because that's the safest place for me to be.

"Welcome to The Night Before The Morning After, I'm Bella Swan and you all know my beloved co-host and wonderful friend Alice Brandon...where are you Al? Hooked up already?"

I scanned the heaving masses but couldn't see her until an amplified 'whoop' went up from somewhere to the left of me, "I'm down here Bella, checking out the boys on your behalf and let me tell you, there are some fiiiine young men down here. Who have I got here?"

"Uh...hi," she had her mic up in some nervous looking dude's face, "I'm Eric."

"And are you looking for luurrrrve Eric?"

The poor guy looked like a rabbit in headlights, "um...maybe...I don't know…"

"Well maybe tonight you'll find the lady of your dreams Eric," Alice grinned before forcing her way through the crowd to a woman with long blond hair and a tiny, tiny dress on, "and this, ladies and gents is Jessica, is that right?"

I sat down on the edge of the bar, my legs dangling over the side and watching as Alice grilled the woman about her ideal man - tall, dark and, wouldn't you know it, handsome. And preferably a doctor, lawyer or politician. Al didn't break it to her that those guys were already snapped up long ago and she was looking at the leftovers right now.

"When you arrived," I announced, "we asked for volunteers for our first dating game of the night - we've picked fifteen willing ladies to humiliate...sorry, check out...a few of our most eligible guys. So let's play!"

Rose and her production assistants Alec and Jane set up a panel of ladies on stools, each holding a large card, red on one side, green on the other. I took the opportunity to grab a drink before introducing the panel's first victim, Mike. He was kind of douchey so I didn't mind so much watching as the women turned their cards to red - nine of them at his appearance and five as he showed off his 'talent', which consisted of making his pecs 'dance' - until one was left standing, her green card raised aloft. Apparently Jessica's second choice was short, blond and average with a career in the exciting world of camping supplies.

"So Mike," I asked him in front of the rapt audience, "where will you be taking Jessica on your first date? Let's find out from the lovely Rose."

Apparently the team had done a fuckawesome job of conning free dates out of sponsors and the new couple were being sent to some five star spa out on Mercer Island.

Alice and I took it in turns to host rounds of the game until our contestants were auctioned off and then introduced our first musical act of the night.

Jake cleared his throat and re-adjusted his microphone stand several times before he started.

I had to hand it to him, with a deep, mellow voice and heartfelt lyrics he was really something. Gone was the grinning rock-buffoon to be replaced with a gentle giant of a man, his guitar dwarfed under his large hands. He glanced over at me as he sang, making me blush and Al nudge me in the side and whisper 'huh? Huh?" over and over again until I 'accidentally' spilled a little wine on her silk top.

"Bella!" she complained, shoving me so that my own wine sloshed onto the hateful high heels she'd persuaded me in to, "come and help me clean up."

"Gladly," I agreed, turning my back on Jake.

We weaved through the crowd, stopping to answer questions and sign the odd autograph before we eventually clocked the bathroom. Rose stood just in front of the door talking to some hulk of a guy with a serious frat boy vibe about him, pressing a palm against his chest and laughing her head off like the dude was comic genius. Maybe he was. Interrupting the moment I tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around, glaring at us.

"Al had a little accident," I told her, "we're going to go get her cleaned up."

"Fine, fine," Rose waved us away, "you've got a few minutes."

Alice gave me a look and once we were safely locked away in the disabled toilet whispered "what the hell was all that about?"

Attacking her with wet tissues I shrugged, "I don't know but that was NOT Rose out there."

Rosalie Hale was the ultimate ice queen and would never, repeat never be caught flirting like that in a million years. Despite outward appearances, and in fairness Rose did like them built like Thor, maybe the big bear was something special.

"Have you seen him before?"

Alice shook her head, batting away my hand from the mess I was only making worse on her shirt, "she would've mentioned him if he'd been on the scene before now, right?" 

* * *

It was nearing midnight and all the Al-planned activities were done with, giving us a chance to hang out while the production guys packed away the PA system.

"Not a bad job, even if I do say so myself," Maggie crowed, raising a champagne bottle which she then took a swig from, not offering a glass nor credit to anybody else.

"Yeah, great job Maggie," Alice sighed.

Rose appeared behind Maggie then, holding her middle finger up at the back of her boss' head, "I think Alice and Bella can take some of the credit."

Maggie whipped round and gave Rose a tight smile, "sure," she said before disappearing into the thinning crowd. Our guests had started moving on, most heading for late night clubs but some leaving for home, and not necessarily their own.

"So…." Rose dragged out the word, leaning over us to order a vodka and coke before she continued, "I met this guy…"

"The big one lingering over there and mentally undressing you?" I asked, nodding to where he stood, ignoring a random woman in favour of making gooey eyes in our general direction.

She nodded, "mmmm."

"Jesus Hale, has he got you hypnotised?" Alice asked, wide eyed.

"Roofies."

"Bella!" she snapped, "he's just...I dunno. He's just a really nice guy."

He lumbered towards us then, limping slightly, although whether it was an affectation or an injury it was hard to tell. I prayed to God that it was the latter because if Rose was doing the love at first sight thing with a guy with a pimp limp we were gonna have to have serious words.

"Girls," Rose beamed as he put an arm around her waist, "this is Em. Em, these are my girls."

We both nodded in greeting just as Jake sidled up, swinging his guitar case.

"Did I do okay?" he asked nervously, swiping a paw across his forehead. I noticed that even he was dwarfed by Rose's new guy.

"You did great Jake, you really should do more of the guitar stuff," I told him.

His face lit up, "you think? I was so nervous but it was kinda cool to do something that's...y'know, just mine."

We stood in awkward silence for a minute that felt more like an hour.

"Do you...uh...do you feel like getting a drink somewhere?" Jake asked softly and I felt my heart drop a little bit.

"Well, I don't know. I'm kind of…" I looked desperately at Rose, begging her to help with my eyes.

"Sorry Jake," she smiled sadly, "we've already got plans."

"We have?" I asked then quickly checked myself, "we have. Sorry."

When it became clear he wasn't getting an invite to our mysterious activity he shuffled off, quietly suggesting I might like to call him sometime. I nodded my head at the same time as shaking it in an approximation of one of those dashboard bobbleheads.

"Alec!" Rose yelled, "you guys okay to wrap things up here?"

The junior assistant nodded, shouting back that they were pretty much done.

"Great, then let's go!" she grinned, linking an arm through one of Em's.

"Go where?" I asked, trailing behind, "'cause I'm going home to get this slut-wear off of my person."

"You look cute," Alice whined, "you should wear dresses more often."

As if on cue I went over on a heel, stumbling into Em's rock hard back and apologising profusely, adding, "yeah, this look's really working for me."

"It's not late," Rose turned, her hands on her hips, "and I promised I'd go meet Em's friends."

I asked her how 'I' had become 'us' and she gave me yet another of her looks, "jeez Bella, when did you turn into such a party pooper? What? You got some knitting to be getting back to?"

I didn't really want to tell her, or Alice and the random 'Em' guy, that actually I just wanted to be snuggled up in my bed with Google Chat and a certain Englishman. So instead of arguing I trailed along behind them towards some place where we were supposed to be meeting a bunch of colleagues of some dude we didn't even know.

"Will you at least crack a smile?" Alice whispered before we entered the upmarket cocktail bar with its fancy leather easy chairs and polished brass fittings, "for whatever reason, and I'm not saying the two hundred pounds of muscle and twinkling blue eyes doesn't have something to do with it, Rose is really into this random."

"Fine," I had to admit I'd been kind of an ass to my friends lately, only wanting to spend time with a man on the other end of a protocol. Chastened, I plastered a smile on my face and followed Al over to where Rose was being introduced to a small group of off duty suits.

"And these gals are Rose's friends…"

"Hi! I'm Alice and this sourpuss is Bella. Despite appearances she doesn't bite."

Three men and two women leant over to shake hands with us but it was the one that didn't leave his seat that caught my attention. Not least because he was staring at me in something that looked kinda like disbelief.

That and the fact that he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

_Did I just call a guy 'beautiful'? Grip: get one._

I glanced behind me to check I wasn't in the way of a parade of elephants or a horrific accident but no, he was just staring at me. To be on the safe side I wiped at the sides of my mouth with a finger, making sure there wasn't unexpected ketchup there, by which time he'd lowered his gaze to the tabletop, concentrating on something apparently even more intriguing than my face.

Interrupting some frantic whispering I told Alice and Rose I was going to the bar - although the company-funded wine haul was impressive I had a hankering for a good ol' JD and Coke. _Translation: I needed to not be so close to Beautiful Staring Stranger (BSS to his friends. Probably) and much, much nearer to the booze._

As I took a spot in front of the bartender someone spoke, right into my ear, "I swear I didn't plan this."

I knew that voice. _I fucking knew that voice_.

I spun on my stool and he was there, incredibly close with his ridiculously handsome - _no, beautiful_ - face all...there. Edward Masen-Frickin'-Cullen.

**Hurrah! Well this chapter was a pain - every time I sat down to write some bugger was in my ear needing something. Anyway, here it is and here's Edward and Emmett.**

**A nod to Bellebiter for the 'wheat from the chaff' thing. Cheers m'dear.**

**Masses of thanks again for your reviews, your follows and your favs. 42 over 5 chapters might be nothing for other writers with their thousands but for me *wipes away tear* they're just lovely. EQx**


	7. Chapter 7

I was well aware of the fact that I was gawping like a crazy person but under the circumstances it was all I manage to do while my brain processed this new information.

He ran a nervous hand through his hair, "I'm, uh, I'm Edward...you know, from the emails?"

"I know," I whispered with a slow nod, "so he's…."

Edward looked over to where I was pointing, "Emmett, yes," he confirmed.

"Right…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't really know what I ought to do but I thought it best to introduce myself rather than let that great buffoon do it for me. It's good to finally meet you Bella."

The bartender put my drink down in front of me and before I could protest Edward had paid for it and asked for a Martini for himself. I snorted.

"What?" he asked with a crooked smile.

"Martini? Really? Shaken not stirred?"

He raised an eyebrow and chuckled, the same sound that had melted my ovaries over the phone, "you know James Bond took his Martinis 'stirred not shaken' in the original books? Actually shaking a Martini bruises the alcohol and spoils the taste."

"Don't be ridiculous," I scoffed as my heart rate finally began to even out.

"It's true. You can Google it."

"I believe you," I muttered, taking a sip of my drink and looking at the floor.

"If this is making you uncomfortable I could leave," he said, ducking his head in an attempt to catch my gaze, "I was planning to make my excuses as soon as I could anyway."

"No!" I cried, "I mean...no. Please don't leave because of me. I didn't really want to be here either."

"Oh."

"I didn't mean...I meant that I didn't want to come in the first place, not that I wanted to leave because of you. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I do that. Sorry."

"You really do have to stop apologising."

We sat in silence, sipping our drinks and staring straight at the back of the bar rather than at each other. I glanced over just as he did the same and I caught that half-smile again before hurriedly turning my gaze back to the row of expensive top-shelf whiskies. The silence should have been uncomfortable but somehow it wasn't and it felt strangely intimate to be able to say absolutely nothing in a situation where I'd normally feel forced to desperately fill the conversational void.

"Would you like another?" he asked, tapping the side of my empty glass.

"Sure. Unless you wanted to go...I wouldn't be offended."

"I don't want to leave. It's you that's been avoiding me, remember?"

"I haven't," I felt a blush creeping up my neck towards my face and willed it back down towards some place it would be less obvious. _I'd much rather my ass blushed, no-one ever sees my ass._

"No? I seem to recall you ignoring my last suggestion that we meet for coffee."

"Alice interrupted me while we were speaking and then it was time to leave and I didn't get a chance…"

"Were you going to say yes?"

I shook my head, "I don't think so."

He nodded slowly, "I can't blame you I suppose. You weren't to know I wasn't a crazed stalker."

"It's not that," I confessed, "I just didn't want you to be disappointed."

"Why would I be disappointed?"

Why wouldn't you be? "I'm not exactly the person you probably think I am. The whole radio show thing...it's...I'm not really like that. Mostly it's an act."

"We've been talking to each other every day for weeks. If you don't mind me saying, I think I have you sussed."

"Oh really?" I snickered, raising an eyebrow, "got me all figured out have you Mr Masen-Cullen?"

He laughed, really laughed, at that, "I don't think I could claim that at all. What I mean is that you're not as tough as you'd have your listeners to believe. Or as modern."

"Modern?" I frowned, "what do you mean? I'm old fashioned?"

"I don't know if that was the word I was looking for. Perhaps I meant you're not as cynical as you'd have everybody believe. I think you're a bit of a romantic."

The blush was back - on my face, not my ass, "I think I'm far too old for romance."

"That's just silly."

"_You're fucking kidding me?!_" Alice's screech made us both turn to see her closing in on us, Rose and Em - Emmett - not far behind, holding hands. She came to a stop in front of us, her hands on her hips, "this is him? _Him_ him? Rochester?"

"Alice," I hissed, ready to kill her for giving away the stupid secret nickname.

"Rochester?" he asked, the crooked smile making its encore appearance.

"Nothing," I groaned, "this, if you hadn't guessed, is Alice."

He stood and put his hand out to shake hers but she only threw her arms around his neck and yanked him down into an inappropriately long hug, "I can't believe it! You're so tall! And…" she bent one hand into a claw and made a 'rawr' noise.

"Oh my God," I moaned into cupped hands.

"Hi, I'm Rose," my marginally more acceptable friend greeted him with a handshake. Alice was right, he towered over Rose, even in her high heels. And he was 'rawr'.

"I'm very pleased to meet you both. I take it there's no need to introduce you to Emmett?"

"I've already introduced myself dude," Em chuckled, grabbing Rose's ass and making her giggle like a schoolgirl.

_Who are you and what have you done with Rosalie Hale?_

"So I see," Edward caught my aghast expression and rolled his eyes at me, "Emmett does have a way of making friends."

"The guys are leaving Eddie," he clapped him on the shoulders, "you gonna go do the boss thing?"

"The boss thing?"

"I dunno, give a speech or something man."

Edward looked at Emmett as if he were mad before turning to me, "I'll be back shortly."

As soon as he was out of earshot Alice grabbed me by my arms, digging sharp fingernails into my skin, "it's destiny Bella, fate. It's a sign from God."

"Like _you_ believe in God," Rose scoffed, "you two are going straight downstairs."

"And we'll see you there Hale. So…." Al looked at me with huge, wide eyes, "is he like, your dream man or what?"

Emmett made puking noises, I could already kinda see why Edward thought he was a dick, "sure, he's dreamy if you want a guy with a stick up his ass."

I ignored him, "he seems nice."

"Nice?"

"She's got a point Bells, he's pretty damn hot," Rose interjected, ignoring Em's injured 'hey!'.

"I'm not saying he isn't, it's just…" I glanced over at him, all mussed up copper hair and long limbs, his eyes a clear, piercing green even from a distance. He was shaking hands with the other suits and he looked really...well, he looked like a grown up, not like the man-boy losers who were normally interested in me.

"Just what?" Alice shoved me in the shoulder. The girl always forgot her own strength when she drank.

I glanced at Emmett pointedly, "can we do the debrief later?"

"You can debrief me any time," Emmett did a passable impression of Beavis or Butthead. Whichever one was more obnoxious. Alice and I muttered 'ew' under our breaths in unison but Rose giggled again.

W  
T  
F  
?

The bartender called out for last orders and, without missing a beat, Emmett threw down a platinum Amex and ordered a bottle of ridiculously overpriced Champagne. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I didn't like the stuff as five flutes were poured.

"Just because you have the company credit card doesn't mean you have to drink the most expensive thing available you know?" Edward re-joined us and nodded to the bartender, "could I trouble you for another Martini please? Anybody else?"

I sheepishly ordered a rum and coke, handing my champagne to Alice who happily downed it before starting on her own.

"_He was happy drinking Bud until he got that bloody card_," Edward muttered.

"How's the great Americanization of Edward going?" I asked, ignoring the loud guffaws coming from our left.

Edward sighed, rearranging his messy hair for the hundredth time, "he wants to help me choose a car."

"I can see you cruising around in a Cadillac Eldorado."

"Don't even joke. I'm going to end up driving some kind of Dukes of Hazzard thing. Or the A Team van."

"What do you drive at home? Don't tell me," I closed my eyes and placed my forefingers on my temples, "I see a Mini Cooper….no...it's an Aston Martin…"

He laughed, "I have a Volvo I'm afraid. The best in Swedish engineering."

"A motherfucking Volvo!" Emmett bellowed, "can this guy get any more boring? Dude, you want to be driving something with a bit of muscle."

"Emmett drives a monster truck."

"It's not a monster truck," he argued, "it's an averagely sized SUV."

"Alright then," Edward shrugged, adding, under his breath "huuuge."

I'd noticed the bartender becoming more pointed in his attempts to get rid of us, the last people keeping him from locking up and going home.

"I uh…" I said.

"So…" Edward said at the same time.

We did the whole 'you go,' 'no, you go ahead,' 'no, no after you' thing.

"Would you like to meet tomorrow? For breakfast?"

I squinted at my watch, it was after late o'clock, "how about brunch?"

His face split into a huge grin. How was this guy - this completely fucking hot, funny, smart and, if I wasn't mistaken, totally loaded guy - so into me? _Internal high five._

"Sure, Emmett mentioned this place…"

"How've his recommendations worked out for you so far?"

He curled a lip.

"I'll message you an address. Guaranteed it'll be better than whatever Butthead over there suggested."

We stared at each other, neither one of us quite sure how to say goodbye. It didn't look like Rose had any plans to detach herself from her newly beloved bozo and Alice was intentionally looking in any direction other than ours.

"See you tomorrow then I guess."

"Yeah," I looked at my toes, my sore packed-into-high-heels toes, "I'll uh...I'll send you that address when I get back to my place."

"Great. That's...great."

"Jesus!" Alice cried, throwing her hands up in the air, "she'll message you the thing. He'll see you there. It was great to meet her. She's sorry it didn't happen sooner. Have a safe journey home. You too."

Edward chuckled while I glowered at Al, "I'll see you tomorrow Bella. It really was great to finally meet you." 

* * *

I was almost surprised the next morning when I found Edward waiting for me, a cup of coffee in front of him looking completely confused by the sticky laminated menu he held out in front of him. For some reason I hadn't expected him to be there, I'd almost convinced myself that I'd dreamed meeting him. Or at least that I'd dreamed him being so perfect.

I needed to get over the 'perfect' thing. Of course he wasn't perfect. He probably had skeletons in his closet like anybody else. Maybe even actual skeletons. Or some kind of weird rubber fetish. Or…

"Hi," he was holding out a chair for me, "I'm glad you came."

"Of course I did," I grinned, "I couldn't miss your first experience of Seattle's best brunch."

"How do you know this is my first experience of Seattle's best brunch?" he cocked an eyebrow.

"Have you eaten here before?"

"No."

"Then this is your first," I took the coffee the middle aged waitress handed to me in its chipped mug and we silently sipped, Edward gazing around himself at the combination of student hipsters and bearded old people - mostly men but some hirsute women too. While he did that I busied myself with re-examining his features, weighing up the previous night's suited-Edward against that morning's blue jeans Edward with his shirt open over a t-shirt that showed off just the right amount of definition. To borrow from Al, he was all 'rawr'.

"You know Emmett?"

"I do," he replied with what I'd already pinned down as his trademark grin.

"He's not a psychopath with a murky past is he?"

"Not that he's mentioned, no."

"Good. I haven't heard from Rose is all."

I knew Rose could more than handle herself but there was something off in the way she'd been behaving around this Em dude. For one thing she never went home with someone she'd just met.

"Would it set your mind at rest if I were to call him for you?"

Shaking my head I sighed, "no. I'm sure she's far more dangerous than he is."

We spoke for a while about Rose and Emmett. Edward was less surprised by the hook up than I was but then he couldn't have missed the fact that Rosalie Hale was a catch by any guy's standards.

The waitress appeared again, tapping a pen against her pad, "I can't choose," Edward furrowed his brow at the menu he'd now been holding for twenty minutes.

"We'll take two pancake stacks. Extra bacon. And a breakfast skillet. You like root beer?"

Edward shrugged, a slightly panicked expression crossing his features, "I'm not sure…"

"Two root beers. And can we get refills on these coffees?"

The waitress poured the coffees, called one of us 'hon', and sashayed off to bellow our order out to the kitchen staff.

"That seemed like quite a large order."

I gave Edward my wickedest look. At least I hoped it was wicked rather than crazed, and told him "you have no idea."

An hour later we were both slumped back in our seats, holding our bellies, Edward repeatedly opening his mouth to say something but only finding the energy to groan.

"That," I stated triumphantly, "was brunch."

"That," he mimicked me, "was brunch for six people."

"You needed to try it all so you knew what to order next time."

"Who said I'm coming back?" trademark grin.

"Oh you'll be back."

My phone beeped then and I reluctantly retrieved it from my pocket, finding a text message from Rose: _**I am in love **_

I turned the phone to show Edward the message, "he must have a huge…" I cut myself off but not quickly enough.

"A huge what? And there was me thinking you were a lady!"

"I never did anything to give you that impression Mr Masen-Cullen."

"That's very true. In fact the way you attacked that sausage certainly suggests otherwise."

I couldn't help myself and laughed until I snorted because, damn it, sausagey double-entendres never get old.

"He might have a huge…" Edward cleared his throat, "but you're certainly a far superior tour guide."

I blushed a bit, like being called a good tour guide was something to blush about. The insane reactions I had had to Edward when he was a mysterious radio caller were nothing compared to the way I reacted to him across an internet connection, and the way I reacted to him across an internet connection was nothing compared to...let's just say that it was a wonder that I was breathing right then. And not just because of the two pounds of bacon I'd just consumed.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I was just thinking how weird this is," I admitted, "I mean, we don't even know each other. How we met, it was just…"

"Weird?"

"Mmm," I noisily slurped the last of Edward's abandoned root beer up.

"I feel like I know you as well as I know anybody else. Is that even weirder?"

"A bit."

He looked as if he were deep in thought for a while, "I work an awful lot. It hasn't left a great deal of space for anything else. I think that's part of the reason the dating thing has been a disaster."

My heart sank a little. I kind of thought that we were on a date. Stupid Bella.

"Well," he amended his statement, "I'd say the problem is 25% work and 75% being set up on horrible dates. Anyway, I guess I just haven't been in a position to get to know anybody."

"You've got to eat though huh?" I indicated the empty dishes and piles of dirty napkins laid out in front of us.

"I have. And I'll also have to eat tomorrow."

"You probably shouldn't eat here every day," I warned.

He shook his head, "I was asking if you'd have dinner with me tomorrow Bella."

"Oh? Oh. I'd love to, but…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot. It doesn't matter," Edward fiddled awkwardly with his hair. I was starting to think that he really was as socially awkward as me. Except on him it was kind of adorable.

"It's not that. I have to work early Monday."

"Then lunch," it seemed like a statement rather than a question, "perhaps you have another Seattle must-do for me? After all it seems as though I may have lost my current guide to your friend. I don't think I can quite compete with what she's offering."

"He sounded like a terrible guide anyway."

I made arrangements to pick Edward up from his apartment block the next day and we said an awkward goodbye outside the diner. For a second I thought he was going to kiss me but it turned into a strange hugging cheek-press thing and there was a whole heap of blushing and stuttering from both of us. _So, looks like a__wkward's our thing._

* * *

Back at home I found Rose spread out across the sofa, fast asleep in the clothes she had been wearing the night before, her heels carelessly dropped by the front door.

"What a ho," Alice whispered from her perch in the kitchen where she was reading a groundbreaking one-piece v bikini feature in a glossy magazine, "she only got in, like an hour ago."

I raised my eyebrows, "what did she say? Was she with Emmett all night?"

Al nodded, "didn't say a thing, just sighed. She's got it real bad Bells. But never mind that, how was your date with Prince Pantymelter?"

"Ssh," I smirked, making for my bedroom, "you'll wake Sleeping Beauty."

"What's a girl gotta do to get some gossip 'round here?" Al complained in a loud whisper as I shut the door on her and set to organising my next sightseeing non-date date.

**A/N: I promise weekly updates then you wait over two weeks for the big meet. Sorry. There was this thing called real life. I'll try my best not to make you wait so long again but this time, no promises :)**

**EQx**


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